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Oops, here I go again!! Being real and vomiting words and emotion-- twice in one week, whew!! (you asked for it , Jaimie! :o)
So this upcoming week in MOPS we will be re-visiting MOMOLOGY: Grandscape!! As I sit here editing the lesson DVD ,and praying over what will be shared in the meetings, I am forced and convicted to reflect on my own mothering and the grandscape of that journey with Christ ,and where He fits into that grandscape!! God permeates our past , present, and future. He wants to hold our hand through it all , in an intimate relationship. This is true for every avenue of our lives, but I am reflecting specifically on motherhood since that is my current thought process right now!
1. What do I think about this idea that God wants to guide me through this Grandscape?
WOW! the creator of the universe... the healer and giver of life... the one that spoke the world into existence with his very words... the one that caused the red sea in the OT to part... etc... wants to hold my little , worn, calloused, and painted fingernail hands through my journey of being a mom. A job that some ppl take very lightly at times and fear isn't important other than securing the human race. On the flip side... it scares me a bit because I am such a control freak! This God that I can not see, audibly hear, or touch is asking me to have faith in Him and His plan for my children and my mothering. WHAT? Can I truly do that? Can I fully let go and let HIM guide my mothering? Can I yield the plans I have for my kids to the great shepard?
Psalm 23 says I can , because "He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
I am also comforted in knowing that my Lord knows everything there is to know about me. Psalm 139 says He knows I am a control freak. He knows my desires and my plans for my kids and my mothering. He knows it all ... he gave me kids that He knows I can mother . His plan is perfect!
2. How has God guided me in my mothering journey?
That, my friends, is a question that could take 13 years to answer! I could share so much over the past 13 years, but rather I focus on my past 5 years of mothering! Guiding via handholding is such a beautiful picture. Instead of guiding by taking his hand and waving me in a direction or putting "signage" for me to follow, he grabs my hand and shows me the way! Not just hand in hand, but the intimate "fingers entwined" , "I am not letting you go" kinda hand holding!! I see Him in my mothering every day in every way. Looking back through the picture books in my mind, I can see His fingerprints everywhere! In a more deeper intimate way lately, though. As the struggles get bigger, deeper... the need for His guidance becomes even greater.
Starting with my miscarriage in 2006, I could see Him gently showing me that I wasn't in control of my mothering. He was the one that gave and took away. Through the whole ordeal I slowly saw how he orchestrated each detail with his infinite grace and perfect will. He was taking my hand and guiding me through it. Don't get me wrong... it took me awhile to be okay with what His plan had brought me to. But the day I could reflect and say, "it is well with my soul" was a day I will never forget!
Aching for the baby I had lost, the Lord did see my tears and the desires of my heart. A year later, he gave me a another chance but all the while teaching me, guiding me, and showing me HE was still in control. Even through His lessons and refinement of my heart and soul, he NEVER let go of my hand. Savannah , my now 3 year old, was a twin. Obviously, at the time that I had lost her twin, I thought this was a cruel joke and how could this be perfect and pleasing to Him? Then there was a risk that I could lose Savannah as well? WHAT? Really? Where was he guiding me? Was I letting him guide me? I couldn't feel his hand in mine anymore. Again, he knows me in and out! He guides me! His will IS perfect! There were reasons...at the time I couldn't see... but now in retrospect, I know it was perfect! And I KNOW he never let go of my hand!
When my daughter, princess, was going through her cardiac issues ,and we were in a sea of unknown... he never let go of my hand.... I was in such a place of peace that it was almost sureal to me. I began to think "should I be more freaked out about this?" The answer... no! He had shown my back in 2006 and 2007 via my miscarriage and loss of a twin that He was still on the throne and was holding my hand and guiding me through every up and down of motherhood!!!
God loves us so much... John 3:16 says that "God so love the world that he gave his only son." Now we know that His son died for us so that we might live. There is no greater example of love. If you have any doubt of how much he loves us-- pick up the greatest love letter of all time from Him... the bible!
Maybe it’s been a long time since you picked up your Letter of Love. I pray that today that you’ll pick it back up, hold it in your hands, and read it for the first time all over again.
Motherhood is such a challenge, a beautiful fulfilling challenge! I love my job-- my ministry, but I could NOT do it without my Lord! Face it... it is stinkin' hard with him. Can you imagine doing it without him? He wants to be in relationship with you. He wants to hold your hand through your mothering journey. He wants to guide you so you don't have to do it alone. Even the Lord is on a mission of NO MOM ALONE!!
All you have to do is let him guide you and hold your hand! When you are diapering the baby, feeding them, dropping them off at daycare, cruising the grocery store isle, or even just sitting on the bed being quiet... He is there guiding you like it says in Psalm 139:10 (our theme verse this year) "even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." FAST... not wimpy... not like a limp noodle-- he will hold you FAST!!